78 Beer Tokens — Damn You Craig David!

Phwoahh April was fun. So much fun that it’s taken me 18 days to write this post. I basically fucked my sweet record of keeping it under the 2 tokens a week and had so much Willington time that I spent most of the month with the black lung. Was it worth it? Turn the song on and read the rest…

As usual, here’s the key learnings for you all to take away and apply to your life... I give you April:

  • When you have something important on the next day - like appearing on a prime time TV dating show - DON’T go out the night before and drink heaps of pints. You will stack your bike on the way home and have a bunch of people come out of the pub to help you up. Not to mention appearing like a anxious swashbuckled retard on the telly.
  • If you haven’t seen your little brother for about a year and he comes to visit you in London. Don’t drink all the beers before he gets there. You’ll get overexcited, black out and end up dancing with questionable “women” at a gay rave.
  • The odd sober night at the pub can be fruitful for meeting girls. Some find it endearing that you have self-control. Judging by the other points in this list I clearly don’t. Suckers!
  • Craig David is still awesome. There I said it!
  • Like everyone in the world, I secretly liked CD’s music growing up. But because I couldn’t like Metallica, Millencolin and Craig David I kept on the DL. But now! It’s all good so go Craig! I realise this has nothing to do with key learnings from not drinking… or does it?

(If you’re confused as funk about all of this — Then go back to the start of this shit show)

A letter to myself

I did this once before in South America, but this time it’s probably worse as I’m being “professional”.

So after several bending days of doom, death and destruction I wrote myself a note in my phone mid-month to refer to, and it went as follows:

“Benny! Stop and think you c*nt. You’ve crushed your body so hard you’ve made yourself sick (actual full blown flu sick), you missed a deadline, didn’t bring your A-Game to a huge meeting. Spent all your cash on things you can’t remember. Lost weight and completely fucked your gym rig”.

Now at this point you’d think to yourself I’m walking away from booze and partying. But…

“You said you ain’t fucken’ drinken when I’m in town?

7 Days later, and something I always knew would happen; Samuel L Jackson burst into my life unannounced. He was throwing a special guest fuelled club night, including Groove Armada, Faithless and Jamie XX. But the kicker was a Craig David DJ set. And I assure you, all the bangers were played.

The result: A powerful night for everyone, especially Willington who invited a bunch of people back to his flat at 5am (this was a special 21 year old move of mine). Turns out it doesn’t work the same as we ended up with nil rave and said bunch of ravers back at the flat for breakfast the next morning.

The next morning heralded the time for a round two, rendezvous and wow did we go for a next level blur session. All the cash dead, No memories alive… I can’t help but blame Craig, but his notes are so much sweeter than mine.

Token Days Off — Drink Less, Live More

(The things you do instead of drinking are ALMOST the most important things you learn)

Even though it doesn’t sound like it this month I did a few things to avoid drinking all the time. But my favourite was ‘Nothing at all!”. May sound like a copout but as I’m a busy guy between work, my business, gym, socialising I always feel like I need to be somewhere. One Sunday I just channelled my inner Marshmallow Buddha Man and did SWEET FA. It’s something we normally do hungover, but sober is fantastic too and I find when you tell people, you can see their jealousy :D

What’s your Flava? COFFEE!!!!

Abstaining from coffee was by far the hardest monthly challenge I’ve undertaken. Most of the others I accepted half way through and kind of forgot about or lost the cravings. Not this one -Literally everyday I thought about how good a coffee would be. Even the shit machine coffee in my office was screaming at me to push its beautiful button.

Compounded by a highlight of my weekend generally spent seeking out a delicious brew. This challenge wasn’t just taking away something I love, but stealing an adventure from me. So it’s official, even if I go on to marry a Cafegan there’s absolutely no way……..

Cue Archer voice “hahaha, a Cafegan… you idiot. That’s not a thing, Coffee for life!”

P.s. to reiterate it from the last post — I fucked it up again on the second day of the month. I went to have a hung over breakfast and drank one without even thinking. For the record it was shithouse.

Cash now being £120 (most expensive day)x 7 =£940 if I fail. By the way, my fails will be punished in some other way if I don’t break the 101!

Kicking the Crisps Habit

The new challenge is crisps or chips for those back home. Doritos, Monster Munch and Lays — all off the menu. I don’t think it’ll be as tough as coffee but I’ve noticed thus far that if there’s one thing that every friendly bastard in the world offers you, it’s crisps.

I don’t want you to fill me in on the newest flavours. Keep them to yourselves you generous fucks!

Legitimate Lays ‘name your flavour’ competition entry from a few years ago.
  • April Stats: 1 failed challenge (1x instance), 9 Drinking Sessions. 7/9 tokens worth it. £570 spent in total.

For my Previous Month’s Escapades:




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