71 Beer Tokens: The Taper before the Hurricane

May you beautiful beast you. I decided you would be my chillest month of the year as I was to be away on holiday in June so needed to save up them tokens. Didn’t work, got on the cans 7 times — and it was fucken’ delicious!

What I learnt from Stinky May:

  • Dog sitting is the tang. We do ‘Borrow my Doggy’ and took our main man Sami out to the pub one weekend. He’s a one year old pure bread golden Cocker Spaniel. and so many lasses came over to speak to us. Who needs beers for Dutch Courage when you’ve got a dog that does sweet tricks.
  • Smoke bombing parties is a legible move: My old boss in advertising was the king of it. He would be in a bar and walk out without saying goodbye. I remember one time he was even looking at everyone straight in the eyes as he slammed the door and jumped in a cab. So I thought I’d give it a try mid-birthday lash, and you know what? Nobody noticed. It may have something to do with me being a token master and people not expecting much of me these days, who knows.
  • Stormy Hurricane: Hear this! It’s imperative to use a token when a girl storms out on you mid-date in a busy London restaurant. Although I didn’t pre-empt this and in no way was it a plan; it was so good that she had left most of her Cab Sav on the table. I’d hate to think what would’ve happened if I’d had to sit sober while the patrons stared; and the waiters looked at me like I’d shot the Pope in the back of the head with a spud gun. I skulled that globe, paid the bill and bounced.
  • Lads days are the best days to drink on, they really are :) This one was the FA cup and even though my team won, the Mutton burgers were the highlight of the day with a Welsh bird for dessert a close second. One downer: I lost my wallet again, but at least it meant I couldn’t max out my credit card on my up coming holiday.
  • Willington only made one appearance this month to the displeasure of the crowd. This ended in my buddy Drew wearing a leotard and Willington passing out facedown on the floor fully clothed. Mind, a house full of sweet babes isn’t the worst place for one to pass out on ones face. Got a sick 3 course breakfast in the morning too. Cheers Drew!

Token Days Off — Drink Less, Live More

(The things you do instead of drinking are ALMOST the most important things you learn)

Get a new skill or get better at another: My shit photoshop skills have a purpose as I’ve been helping my mate Kreepchel out with his instagram/ blog. It’s like The Onion but for Surfing. Here’s local Aussie pro-surfer Mikey Wright who’s just signed with VB. Shameless Plug https://surfadsmag.com/

Crisps Challenge:

Ballsed it again several times. Doritos are the Devil’s work in deliciousness, shaped like a vag — just as irresistible. So add £120x 8 = £960 SHEESH!!!


So I broke my bike in May. So my challenge to not ride bikes for the month is a bit of a cop-out. But seeing I’ve failed every one thus far I need to give myself a fighting fucking chance. It also means I’m now running everyday, so that’s a plus. Will help me to escape cops in Spain ;)

May Stats: 1 failed challenge (2x instances), 7 Drinking Sessions. 5/7 tokens worth it. £345 spent in total.

For my Previous Month’s Escapades:





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