46 Beer Tokens — Football fails, Cactus jumping & Ad benders

July was a strong month. I used a token just under once every three days. It’s Summer in London so why the fuck not. The below was even how I spent one fruitful Friday afternoon after burning the candle at both ends (the main one being work) and taking a day off to tools down, beats up and drink some bacon flavoured vodka. Thanks MixMag.

Joris Ripping.

The key learnings from July are as follows with a bit of fluff:

  • You really have to time your tokens and build up your booze tolerance before launching into an all day day drinking session: I had seven days off the sauce early in the month (pre-ladies day) for my AFL Footy club — yes we play it in London. If you’re unfamiliar with a Ladies Day: They’re a shit show of epic proportions, a celebration of ladies and drinking heaps of booze with them while raising some funds for charities. The result: Willington dislocating a finger and promising he would take half the girls on the dance floor for salsa lessons. Smooooth.
  • Jim Jefferies is the funniest dude alive: This isn’t really a core teaching to the pupils of the token — but fuck a duck — I was in stitches again and having a token for Jim is a must. In fact, if he found out you went to see him sober, he’d probably hunt you down, then kill you and your sex panda.
You gotta admit. You might not agree with everything he says, but the guy’s got a point.
  • 30 hour flights + a token = how did Willington get… What the fuck!?. Any of you who’ve ever flown from Australia to Europe or vice versa know it’s a ball ache of epic proportion. Any of you who’ve ever done this and flown straight into a belter know that this sounds like a smart idea at the time, but is really on par with jumping off a car into a cactus. A few years back I made the trip and went straight out onto Sydney Harbour for a boat party. End result = sick time but cue Temper Trap ‘Love Lost’ but no chance of finding that fucker. :( This time I dove straight into a reunion party/ cactus. I remember about 45 mins. The rest is at the bottom of a mystery well in Sydney, with my undies.
I did this when I was 17, but just into my rich friend’s pristine hedge. Safe to say she probably copped the same result when her parents got home. I.e. Pricks giving her hell for days.

Token Days Off — Drink Less, Live More

(The things you do instead of drinking are ALMOST the most important things you learn)

Commit to exercise more: This is a given, but I’d decided to test out a bulking diet. Meaning I needed to eat lots more good foods on mass. It also meant that if I didn’t go to the gym I would just be putting on spare *tyres and not muscle. *Cue donuts witty comment

Single Use Spastic

I knew I was going to fail this one but thought it’d be good to try and be conscious of my overconsumption of plastics. In all honesty it made me more aware but also made me feel worse about my inability to recycle smarter. Moral of the story: You don’t have to be great at being a sustainable person straight away, but just being a slightly better one will put you on the right path.

Thus the tally boosts to £120 x 10 = £1200 to charity if I fail the tokens.

If you’re interested in trying this, here’s a sweet article my buddy Sara sent me. She’s an eco-ninja so she knows her shit!

Swear Jar

Next month’s challenge was an impulse decision made by the need to come up with something for BBC to put on their TV show that I’m in. Got sweet fuck (whoops) all chance so may as well throw the multiplier on it now.

  • July Stats: 1 failed challenge (aprox’ 15x instance), 11 Drinking Sessions. 11/11 tokens worth it. £446 spent in total.

For the rest of my year’s learnings:








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